The Right Sort Of LIFT

Let’s roll this puppy right out of the gate.

If you don’t appreciate having ME to tell you the realities of “good health” then you are out of your mind. I mean, haven't we all had enough of "good health" equaling some gorgeous, flat-chested, way-too-high-spirited super-blond woman cheering about stairmasters and "balanced diets"? Seriously. There is more to good health than aerobics and celery.

La la la.

Good health is not just about being healthy (duh), it's also about feeling good. Feeling good on the inside and feeling good on the outside. Am I talking about touching yourself? Well, no – but go for it you want. That’s not the feeling good on the outside we’re going for in this moment however. I've made all kinds of points in my blog about setting goals and doing things in the short- and long-term to help our bodies get healthier. But I think it's high time I launch into something a little more tangible and outwardly faced. As it were.

Yes, I am speaking of boobs. Yours and mine. What and how to stuff ‘em. That’s right, it’s about time someone dove right to the heart of the matter – all puns intended.
Love 'em or hate 'em, you've probably got 'em. And that means you've got to do something with 'em. I suppose that "something" could be just letting them hang free, true. But while I like to think that I am supportive of my sistas who reject -- or burn -- the notion of bras, I long ago gave up on the idea that I could/would go anywhere in public without wearing one. So with all deference to those who choose a freer path, this post is about Selecting Bras That Fit. Never you fear, I am here to help.

Finding a bra that fits is even better than finding the perfect pair of jeans. A good bra is like a good friend: it'll support you, lift you up when you're feeling down (ahem), know your darkest secrets but love you anyway, and make you look great in front of even your worst critics. The right bra can improve your posture, make your torso look longer, and help all your clothes fit better.

Plainly put, the right bra can change your life.

You need to seek help immediately if any of these situations applies to you.

Example #1: Your Bra Creates Cleavage Where There Should Not Be Any

Sometimes, bra straps dig into your shoulder far enough that you get little lumps on either side of the strap.

(I do not know why she has no eyebrows or chin or left side of body.)

What is interesting about this phenomenon is that, in addition to it looking a little...shall we say...less-than-chic, it's also painful for the wearer. Your bra strap should not be a device of torture (well, any more than it has to be). Taking it off should not cause your shoulder muscles to pop back into place. If your straps are doing this to you, they are not the right size.

The next grade of offense is when your bra is too tight around your back, and you create anywhere from one to three extra fat rolls. This happens when the bra number size is a little too small. I still personally do this all the time because my subconscious really believes that if the bra is cutting into my skin all the way around, cutting off circulation, burdening my breathing, and creating all kinds of ripples under my shirt, then surely it must be working!

Normal back fits normally.

It is not.

FAR WORSE than either of these, though, is the bra that is too small for you cup-wise. I have done this. You have done this. But the look? It is really not good. I'm talking about when the bra starts creeping down, and the top of the boob starts spilling over, and then you end up with a pair of boobs above the pair you already have.

GOOD!

Problematic! (Also, let us not discuss the number of issues with THIS scary drawing!)
Four breasts on one woman is simply two too many.

Example #2: The Uni-Boob (aka, The Sports Bra)

I do not know why sports bras are made the way they are, but I will resign myself to the idea that some physics was involved and there's a reason the "athletic" industry created this contraption. For those ladies who are a bit smaller up top, the sports bras seem to do everything they can to mash your goods into non-existence.

For those of us with a little more top-cushion, the sports bras serve one purpose and one purpose only: to smoosh two perfectly normal breasts into becoming one, uncomfortable loaf. Sexy!

I don't pretend to understand this phenomenon, but it's no matter. The point is, your everyday bra should not do what a sports bra does.. If you're super worried about out-of-control bounciness, try wearing a sports bra under the sports bra -- that should help your breasts resist spandex unification. We double bag at the grocery store for heavy milk, why should this be different?

Example #3: The Bra That Is Super Comfortable (Because It Is Not Working)

The right bra should definitely be comfortable -- not digging in to your shoulders or back or unifying your goods. But it should not be so comfortable that it isn't actually doing...well...anything.

Here's a very scientific test:
1. Take off your shirt.
2. Look down.
3. Note where your boobs are.
4. Take your bra off.
5. Note where your boobs are.

If there is no difference between step 3 and step 5, your bra is not right.

Thus concludes my overview of when you should consider revisiting your bra "settings." When I'm properly fitted and properly supported, I know I feel like I've had a total body makeover. So until my next Good Health update, here's wishing the same to you and uh, yours!