There is one thing for certain I know about my spirit. I respond to water.
Whenever I have any serious issues I am trying to work through, a problem I need to solve, or I just feel the world is too heavy for me to bear alone at the moment, I always know what I need to do: Get myself to a beach. Pronto. I'll sit on the sand to watch the sunset, I'll gaze for hours at the surf, watch the waves roll in, listen to them crash, smile at the pelicans who skim the water's edge until they nosedive in on their prey. I'll sharply inhale the crisp beach air as though every breath is healing - in many ways, perhaps it is. I'll ponder...I'll probe intensely, and I'll ask myself the tough questions. I won't always find the answers I may need, but I am able to force myself onto more stable footing with these forced water excursions. This weekend I was able to get away for a few days for my mental bootcamp. I've hit my "reset" button and my eyes are locked to face forward.
One of the best parts was getting to see my adopted family for an afternoon - my Rev3 Mom & Dad, Debbie and Charlie Patten Sr. They are such kind people, the laughs are always abundant, their hilarious stories are unending - and their affection towards me a constant stream of love.
Anyway, so I'm bringing Hairy Back?? Life is good when you can retool Justin Timberlake's SexyBack to mean exactly the opposite of the song's original meaning as well as utilize its obvious homonym to make a post title that's not just ironically clever, but grammatically clever, as well. Score!
And if you're functionally retarded and the above hairy back descriptive wasn't enough for you to figure out where I'm going with this blog, allow me to present to you a visual:
goldilocks aint havin' this
Yep. Today's subject is the hairy back. And today's lesson is that hairy backs are not okay. In fact, dudes having hairy backs is equivalent to ladies having mustaches; in both cases, those gnarly tufts of hair make you unnecessarily ugly. But eureeka! In both cases there is an easy way to avoid disgusting others -- WAX THAT SH*T. Please.
And while this is a general Public Service Announcement for the world, I must hone in on how this affected my life in FL this weekend. There I was, just walking down the beach street,
Unfortunately, the shot is not as clear as I had hoped and so you'll have to take my word for it: This man's back was hairy. Damn hairy. This man should not have had his shirt off. I don't care how hot or humid it is outside. How's about if you want to cool off, you shave off the layer of wool growing out of your back? Seriously. Unflattering. And yes, I think he's also scratching his butt in this pic. Seriously. Classy.
Godspeed, e-friends. And good luck out there.
9 comments:
You are in Florida?
Hmmmm I'm in Florida...
In fact I went to the anytime teller on my bike yesterday...
I wasn't wearing a shirt...
Hmmmm
What city did you say?
Nope, I looked again.. it's not a Trek TTX... cant be my hairy back
So....did you ask him on a date?
That's almost as bad as wearing your pajamas out in public...
ick. that is all. ick.
Alright, normally I am on your side and all for your opinions. But this is where I MUST draw the line.
Well, let me be precise, girls w/ mustaches... ...(sorry, I just threw up in my mouth) those must go.
Guys w/ hairy backs... that is a REAL MAN! (unless they are the fat tubs of lard that are typically hairy).
So quick story. Past two years in "triathlon life" of MattyO, I shaved it all (minus my arms... felt weird doing that). No problems here, I am a well kept male, never letting any hair get all snarly and crap.
However, taking it the next step and actually using a razor blade instead of the normal clippers... well let me tell you about the world of Babylonian Gardens that opened up. As soon as you stop shaving everything w/ a razor, it's like someone just dunked you in a vat of miracle grow. I used to be a "normal hairy guy"... however, now I am a freakin Sasquatch. It's not my fault. It's nature's cruel joke, I swear.
Going even further in this topic, since I swim and lift, I can't shave my back... my shoulders DO NOT work anymore in the flexibility dept. So it is NOT MY FAULT that I have a hairy back or chest. (You KNOW Heather is not going to shave my back either haha)
Now, if you are going to be at any Rev3 races this year... you had better where blinders because this guy right here (pointing to myself) will be walking around shirtless AND hairy just to spite you now!
(secretly I know you are still bitter about your whole bikini wax pleasuring you got... don't try and redirect the hatred to the innocent men haha)
My husband got laser hair removal on his back...of course the esthetician turned out to be someone he went to high school with. Hairy back abated, though!
Love your description of time on the beach....
As if the world cares what you think. Maybe you should learn to show a little of that "kindness" you seem to admire so much.
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