The Emotion, The Body and The Self

I think I am going to start calling Carmen, my oh-so-zen yoga instructor, "Yoda" instead.  I've mentioned before that she tends to throw rhetorical zingers at us during her class.  I don't think I've ever encountered an environment where so many thought provoking statements were hurled at me, and so frequently.  If you are looking for induced self and life reflection, Carmen's class is for you.

She begins each class with an intention, something to focus or work on during our "practice".  Tonight was a zinger, for sure.  She sets a calm, unthreatening tone right away; it's a space that somehow feels safe.  I don't know how she does this so immediately with a roomful of strangers but I am inspired by that lesson.  We sat indian style awaiting her wisdom as we closed our eyes and took in deep breaths.   She has some sort of intuition with me tonight, that's for sure.  It's almost eerie that she chose these words on this evening to speak to my spirit - or maybe my spirit is just listening.

"What part of your body needs attention?  What needs protection and a little extra care right now?  What needs to be healed?", she inquired.

Normally I would think the obvious stuff like 'my si joint' or 'my shoulder' ...... this time the response was deeper.  This time I answered to myself, "my heart".

As if on cue, Carmen launched into her wisdom.  "Human beings store our emotions in our bodies", she said. "If we feel something that we’re not ready to express – perhaps because of fear or confusion - then usually we repress it. The emotion gets filed away in the “deal with later” pile and we forge on.  But the body doesn’t forget. If these emotions go unaddressed, then they start to manifest in other ways. It’s like they’re saying “Hey! Remember me? I need you to pay attention!” We may feel pain, stiffness, cramping, or other general discomfort. And then we try to figure out what we did to cause it . . . was it my workout yesterday? Or lack thereof? Was it from sitting too long in the car? Perhaps it’s old age setting in? We tend not to consider that it could be something 'inside' causing the discomfort".

Oh man.  This class was going to be a doozy.   I took a deep breath and on her command went into downward dog pose.

As the class went on she encouraged, "Surrender: Just let it be. Let go of trying and breathe into where you are in the moment . . . "

Sartre said that hell is other people, and that when it comes down it, we are all essentially alone. No one else, but ourselves, can live our lives, or fight our battles, or make our decisions, or find our enlightenments. To depend on others to do this for us is beyond foolish.

The Buddhists, on the other hand, posit that hell is not so much other people but the way we react to them. And while I agree with Sartre that it all comes down to what we do for ourselves, I also know that there is a great gift in community, in being with others. The flip side of the suffering that other people – our reactions to other people – elicit in our lives is that we can find some comfort in their very presence.

I have been so fortunate for my chosen community.  My closest friends have proven to be reliable listeners and advisers. I take great solace in knowing that this support is there for me. But I still have to do all the work by myself. My sweet cousin and sister-substitute Michelle does a great job generating questions for me to ponder. But the fact is, I alone have to come up with the answers.  And to consider that, for me, there may not be any.

I am by no means a Buddhist, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think many of their beliefs were thought provoking. 

Buddhism is based on Four Noble Truths.
1. Life is suffering.
2. There is a cause for this suffering.
3. It’s possible to end this suffering
4. There is an established path out of this suffering.

Or to put it in more modern terms,
1. Life sucks.
2. It’s our own fault that it sucks.
3. It’s possible for it not to suck.
4. Help is on the way!

Hard times are inevitable, but sometimes they take us by surprise. But there’s no escape. As the old adage goes, the only way out is through. The first step is acknowledging the pain itself, as well as the source of the pain. “I am suffering, and it’s my own damn fault.”  Before you argue that plenty of random incidents are NOT the victim’s fault (I agree, I agree) let me restate that it’s how we REACT to what life throws at us that can cause the suffering, not the incident itself.

So what do we do? We embrace the suffering, let ourselves fully experience the (for lack of a better word) suckitude. Acknowledge that there is a cause – that this didn’t happen randomly, but because of an intricate series of events and words and feelings – and that our own choices (or inability to make choices) is at least part of the problem. “Okay, this is hard. There is no getting around that. My life is going to be a firestorm of emotions for a while, most likely through the holidays, and I’m just going to have to ride it out, do the best I can, and see where I come out in the end.”

And the Buddhists assure us that there is a path out of suffering. I hope this applies to all of us. (Especially to a Catholic... :) )