"Crazy Lady" down the street

If you are here looking for a touchy-feely, the world is sunshine and roses blog about how wonderful life is....STOP, turn around and back away slowly. Don't make any sudden moves, you don't want to startle the natives. My life is like a car wreck - you don't want to look but you just can't help yourself! As my loyal readers know, I am blunt, cynical and sarcastic - all necessary character traits for the successful navigation through this insane world. I call it like I see it. You have been warned. ;) My latest update speaks to my warning.

I’ve not written about her yet, but this story is worth the introduction.

There is a woman I have affectionately dubbed “Crazy Lady” who lives a few doors down.  She’s prone to social missteps and is now known for her unintelligible (and inaudible!) attempts at sentence structure in order to convey her thoughts.  Oh, and don’t get me started on the beehive hairdo and wool knee socks worn with sandals…  Oye!

Crazy Lady homeschools her 10-year old kid, whom I’ve naturally dubbed “Crazy Spawn”.   I’m not necessarily a huge advocate of home schooling even when the parents are intelligent (there are success stories – but I worry about missed socialization aspects), but Crazy Spawn is indeed taught at home.    I’ve made numerous attempts to befriend Crazy Spawn, as I have a cordial, waving hello relationship with a few of the other kids on the block.  Many of them play outside during the daytime and they’re good kids.

Against my better judgment and intense dislike of crazy, her kid has been playing in our yard lately. Yesterday afternoon after school, a bunch of the kids played with sidewalk chalk. I stayed out there for a little bit to make sure everyone was getting along.  They were playing hopscotch and hangman, thankfully there was no plotting to overthrow their parents or planning a coup to take over the neighborhood.   After about half an hour I was bored out of my mind and had to go inside to make dinner and left a few of the good kids in the next door driveway with Crazy Spawn. An hour later, I went outside to take a look at the chalk drawing progress.  Take a look at what my bulged out eyes saw!  I confronted a few of the good kids who said that Crazy Spawn had drawn the picture and he had identified all the body parts for the whole neighborhood.   Lovely.

 

In the middle of that picture, do you see the reason for my eyebrows to be almost off the top of my forehead? Still not sure? Let me show you a little closer.

 

Still not totally sure what you're looking at there? Hmmmm. How about this one?

 

My first thought upon seeing this drawing was that the chalk lady had some massive boobs. Then I noticed she was headless. Then I happened to notice she was also either a transvestite or perhaps a hermaphrodite.

For Real?

The sidewalk chalk has now been retired until next summer.  I had to hose down the driveway before any of the other neighbors saw the porn and got scared.

I feel dirty.

A "BUI" In Boulder???

Allow me to introduce my Boulder girls: Laura, Leanne and Morgan - each of whom as pretty on the inside as they are on the out.

The four of us have bi-weekly outings, catching up, sharing tales and talking about all things EXCEPT triathlon.  Aaahhhh.

On this particular evening, Leanne and I knew we'd be knocking back a few adult beverages.  Thinking we were being responsible, we decided to bike to the bar (gotta LOVE Boulder!).  In Boulder things are so bike friendly that there are usually more bike stands in public places than car parking lots.    After a few margaritas, our group of 4 decided to take our party to The West End on Pearl St.  Since Leanne and I biked, we told Morgan and Laura we'd meet them there....

Leanne and I were laughing and carrying on as we pedaled our way down the streets of Boulder.  As I saw a McDonalds to our right I yelled out to her, "Right turn!!  Drive thru!!!!"  Without missing a beat, my fearless partner-in-crime made a sharp right and a beeline towards the drive through speaker.  I was cracking up at her fearless quest...

 

At the drive-thru window, we got yelled at for doing it on bikes.  C'mon people!  This was safe!!!!
I then noticed the police car behind us.... in my "feel no pain" state, I rushed to the police officer car and jokingly asked the officer if he wanted a milkshake. ?   He laughed and cautioned me "and my friend" to be careful out there tonight, and I thanked him.    He was EXTREMELY cool about this because, as I later learned, being on bikes after drinking is a SERIOUS offense in Boulder.

 

When Leanne and I arrived at West End to tell our tale of the police encounter, we learned we were very lucky not to have been hauled off to jail!   Boulder takes "BUI's" (biking under the influence) very seriously.  I was mad as a hornet about this.   Here I thought Leanne and I were being responsible.  We weren't getting behind the wheel of a car, we were on cruiser bikes, riding along the sidewalks!!   How was this reckless?

Apparently this is JUST AS SERIOUS as a DUI.   REALLY??   Something about this just doesn't make sense to me.   Somehow I think hitting someone with a car, and hitting someone while on my bike would be hugely different.  Maybe I'm missing something, but this seemed absurd.

Ah well, a fun night was had with my girls, as usual.  Next time we'll just ake a cab...  :)

World Champion Dinner

Meeting up for "Buffalo Burgers" is a common occurrence in Boulder, Colorado. I think that is the most typical item ordered by everyone in this town.

So, ok ok, maybe (JZ's husband) Mark and I are the only fatty's who ordered fries with the entree but everyone ordered a burger.

Jonathan Toker, owner of Salt Stick, was visiting Boulder and we all ventured out for some dinner. At one point during the dinner I remember being struck by the idea that 2 of triathlon's current world champions were at our table. I leaned over and whispered to Michael Stone, "Hey, 2 of our WC's are with us!"

Without missing a beat he said in deadpan tone, "Aren't they lucky to be with us?" And then he winked.

Summer in Boulder is such fun because of the tremendous Australian presence in town. They all descend on Boulder like a plague. :) It's been such a unique experience having the opportunity to make friends from literally the other side of the globe, people I never would have had an opportunity to meet.

Craig Alexander's daughter, Lucy, joined us for dinner. That little girl is adorable, and quite precocious. And, there is something really funny about the irony of a little Aussie child saying goodbye in her Aussie accent, "See you later, Alligator!", when Australian's know crocodiles.