"Crazy Lady" down the street

If you are here looking for a touchy-feely, the world is sunshine and roses blog about how wonderful life is....STOP, turn around and back away slowly. Don't make any sudden moves, you don't want to startle the natives. My life is like a car wreck - you don't want to look but you just can't help yourself! As my loyal readers know, I am blunt, cynical and sarcastic - all necessary character traits for the successful navigation through this insane world. I call it like I see it. You have been warned. ;) My latest update speaks to my warning.

I’ve not written about her yet, but this story is worth the introduction.

There is a woman I have affectionately dubbed “Crazy Lady” who lives a few doors down.  She’s prone to social missteps and is now known for her unintelligible (and inaudible!) attempts at sentence structure in order to convey her thoughts.  Oh, and don’t get me started on the beehive hairdo and wool knee socks worn with sandals…  Oye!

Crazy Lady homeschools her 10-year old kid, whom I’ve naturally dubbed “Crazy Spawn”.   I’m not necessarily a huge advocate of home schooling even when the parents are intelligent (there are success stories – but I worry about missed socialization aspects), but Crazy Spawn is indeed taught at home.    I’ve made numerous attempts to befriend Crazy Spawn, as I have a cordial, waving hello relationship with a few of the other kids on the block.  Many of them play outside during the daytime and they’re good kids.

Against my better judgment and intense dislike of crazy, her kid has been playing in our yard lately. Yesterday afternoon after school, a bunch of the kids played with sidewalk chalk. I stayed out there for a little bit to make sure everyone was getting along.  They were playing hopscotch and hangman, thankfully there was no plotting to overthrow their parents or planning a coup to take over the neighborhood.   After about half an hour I was bored out of my mind and had to go inside to make dinner and left a few of the good kids in the next door driveway with Crazy Spawn. An hour later, I went outside to take a look at the chalk drawing progress.  Take a look at what my bulged out eyes saw!  I confronted a few of the good kids who said that Crazy Spawn had drawn the picture and he had identified all the body parts for the whole neighborhood.   Lovely.

 

In the middle of that picture, do you see the reason for my eyebrows to be almost off the top of my forehead? Still not sure? Let me show you a little closer.

 

Still not totally sure what you're looking at there? Hmmmm. How about this one?

 

My first thought upon seeing this drawing was that the chalk lady had some massive boobs. Then I noticed she was headless. Then I happened to notice she was also either a transvestite or perhaps a hermaphrodite.

For Real?

The sidewalk chalk has now been retired until next summer.  I had to hose down the driveway before any of the other neighbors saw the porn and got scared.

I feel dirty.