Reunions... and what a LOSER am I?

This morning my day got off to a loving, enthusiastic start.

My good friend, Heather Gollnick, is in Boulder for the week before she joins her family in Steamboat for a vacation. Today she and I met at Amante's for coffee... both of us biking from our respective residences, of course. I laughed as she talked about having to walk up hills during her run the day before, that her legs felt horrible and she couldn't breathe. "That's the altitude", I told her as I smiled. She seemed surprised, mostly that no one had told her that before.

We chatted it up for a while, and then planned to meet for dinner later in the week.

I'm excited to do a little trainer ride with JZ tomorrow. She invited me to join her in her torture chamber (i.e., her Computrainer basement full of mirrors and speakers for good tunes) for a "good session". She thought it'd be interesting to see what kind of power I was producing in my current physical state; having the mirrors around me to monitor my positioning would be good for me. I have a habit of dropping my core, which can be part of the instability I am feeling.

I was quick to point out that the trainer ride would give me the opportunity to actually keep up with her. "Bring it, 'cause I'll be ready for your ass!", I quipped. God knows the trainer is the only way I could keep her close. :)
The girl has been cranking out unbelievable training blocks lately as she prepares for Wisconsin. No one will even be near her that day. Seriously - her fitness is scary right now.

So.... funny story. I'm almost embarrassed to write about this but it is just so me, so painfully flawed... it is "blog worthy" in that way.

Last week I did a short ride and had a mechanical as I headed to Jamestown. I was on the road shoulder attempting to fix it when a cyclist came upon me and asked if I needed help. I answered that I probably did...

He stopped, unclipped, put down his bike.... and took off his Oakley's to survey the damage. He looked at me and asked, "What's the problem?"
( Silence ..... )
"Are you ok?", he asked in concerned tone after I didn't say anything.

I startled myself and quickly brought myself back to the moment, realizing I was just totally staring at this guy and had been completely speechless.

"Oh, I just can't seem to be able to get into another gear...", I mumbled out, as I smiled and shrugged.
"Well, let's see what we can do here", he answered. He was so nice .... and Mother-of-God SO BEAUTIFUL!

As he fiddled with my bike, I am not kidding, I think I wore a hole through him with my eyes.
Was I 16-years old???
C'mon now. I rarely, if ever, see a man who renders me mute. Normally I am calm as a cucumber and can hold my own with most anyone. But this guy .... holy shit! .... this guy was so my type, so devastatingly handsome that I felt myself feeling shy and even nervous. ?? His body outlined an athlete, his eyes were a piercing green, and as he took off his helmet to place it on the ground, I am almost positive I gasped out loud. (Nice, Carole! You loser!!) This guy was amazing. One of those types on the cover of Men's Health Mag.

So he kindly worked on my bike for a bit .... I didn't even notice there had been total silence until he broke it with his next sentence. He had to have seen I was just flat-out staring at him; I was incredulous any man could be this perfect. Was I dreaming? I guess he must have been flattered - or else he thought I was some freak show (that's the more likely option) - but he kind of laughed as he adjusted various knobs and wires, finally asking, "So were you headed to Jamestown?"
"Yeah, it's so nice out today. Where were you going?".
"Hitting Left Hand Cyn and then getting back to work", he answered.

We chatted a bit here but I don't even remember what we said. I was too busy watching his chiseled arms work on my bike while listening to his deep voice churn out well spoken sentences. He was charming, too, I thought.

I could NOT stop staring at this guy! Good Grief! Had any of my girlfriends been with me at that moment I swear they would have slapped me across my face to yell, "Get a hold of yourself for God's sake!" I was seriously that awe-struck. That NEVER happens to me.

Soon enough he stood up from my bike, looking down at me with a soft smile. "Ok, I think you should be good to go now. Is there anything else I can help you with?" He softly looked at me and I swear I felt the blood trickle from my head.

In my mind I answered, "Oh, there's a lot you can help me with".
Ummmm... but here's the kicker - I DIDN'T SAY IT TO MYSELF!! I seriously almost DIED when I realized I had just said that OUT LOUD!!!! AGGHGHGHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I would never, ever say that to a stranger! WTF??!! I was totally out-of-body and had lost my mind. !!!!!!!!!
My face felt flushed as I know it turned 5 shades of red. I could not believe myself.

He laughed - THANK GOD - but I continued to blush. He seemed to find humor in the gushing idiot of a woman I was. I seriously need to be sent to a mental ward.

Clearly the freak-woman (me) wasn't going to pose any intelligent statement, so he picked up his helmet and reached down for his bike. I just sort of watched this happen, unsure what to do. He looked at me and said, "So, you're ok?" (Was he stalling??)

"Yeah, thank you so much. Sorry to interrupt your ride", I said.
"Are you kidding? It's a good day when you get to help a pretty one."

I smiled back at him.

"So, I'm going this way." He pointed in the opposite direction and, perhaps it is just wishful thinking on my part, but as I relived the moment 10,000 times after it, I realized he seemed to be VERY slow in leaving, maybe even suggesting I ride that way, too. ? And I am the biggest idiot loser on the PLANET and totally blew it. Or maybe I am just thinking he wanted to chat more while he was really looking to get the hell away from me, fast!

I thanked him again, got on my bike and pushed off... looking back to see him ride off, too.

I have relived this whole 10-minute scene a million times, and I can't believe I didn't respond differently. What was WRONG with me??? I realized later I didn't even ask his name. He was just a handsome stranger helping to get me back on my bike.

Life presents rare moments of Carpe Diem .... if you don't pay attention you could blow it ... I blew it. :)

So... if anyone knows this devastatingly good looking, charming, kind man, about 6 feet or slightly taller, perfect white teeth with a smile that resembles Tom Cruise, who was riding to Left Hand Cyn around 12:00pm last week... please tell him I'd like to start over. "Hi", I'd say. "My name is Carole".

Strength in Numbers

There are lots of things I truly love about Boulder.

The sun setting behind the foothills, or the Flatirons; the evenings of crisp air that are neither humid or chilly - they are perfect.

The quality of life that embodies the existence of each person I talk to who lives here; in effect it changes their perspective. Small stuff doesn't appear to be sweat much in Boulder.

The Boulder Creek - the flowing water that often has quite a current. I wander there with various friends at various hours of a given day. The water is cold enough to be a good lower body soak but not so cold that we shiver. We submerge our lower bodies and watch the occasional person float by on an inner tube. Funny...

There are lots of things I love out here...
But I think what I love the most is doing everything from my front door. I have a little cruiser bike that I ride most everywhere. Boulder is so bike friendly that there are bike stands all over the place. There are more bikes parked at restaurants than cars. I always smile at that.

On almost every ride I've done at some point I'll see someone I know. That is fun. :)
The other day after fixing my second flat, I thankfully was only about 5 miles from home, out of co2's, and cautiously rode slowly on the rim. I wanted to limit the walking required. At one point a yellow blur goes FLYYYYYYYYYYING by me, but looks back and then stops. He unclips and smiles, "Sharpie!" It's my good buddy, Jeff Keil, whom I hadn't seen since Kona in October. On the road shoulder he gives me a hug and asks what I need. I tell him I'm just going to ride on the rim home, that I am almost there, and he suggests we give it a bit more air. He grabs his small pump only to discover it's broken. We laughed at that. Good thing HE didn't need it 70 miles out in open country road. :) He saw by the way I was hunched over that I was hurting a bit and asked how I was doing. Better, I said, but still not too good. "You hang in there, kid. We're all pulling for you", he responded as he pushed off.

I've been riding steady 2-hour rides, even done a couple 3 hour rides. Physically things are status quo. I still dismount the bike to a hurtful lower back, but the lingering ache which stays with me for hours afterwards seems to have improved significantly. So, I'll take it.

Better still, a couple weeks ago JZ took at look at me riding on a trainer. She wanted to look at my form and some basic mechanics because she has been baffled. This chick is like the "athlete whisperer", I swear. Her instincts are sometimes really eerie. She has long been baffled by how poor my cycling became over the years. In 2003-2004, I was a pretty strong cyclist, then something happened. She's taken a personal interest in helping me (how fortunate am I to have her on my side?), wanting to solve the puzzle that seems to contain more riddles than clues. She said in her usual scrappy tone, "This is my project for the summer - figuring out what the hell is going on with your riding!" She saw the decline in my performance for herself training with me over a few seasons. Each time I came back to train in Boulder, different weeks and different seasons, I had become a weaker cyclist. Only another elite could notice that.

As I pedaled on her trainer she noted some things, a couple of which pretty significant... mostly related to my positioning and power output. She suggested a few very specific things to work on when I ride, and each time I have been on the bike, I have consciously worked on them.

Something is now very different. Though my back still aches, I have actually had a few rides where I have felt strong. Often times like my old self several years ago before something with my riding changed. I am most definitely out of shape, but the power output I am producing is very, very different. I can just feel it. Even my position now on the bike just feels like it did years ago. My body remembers even when I didn't.

Today I rode for a couple hours and laughed to myself with a metaphor that came to mind. For some reason, I thought of Peter Pan looking at his shadow. Peter had forgotten who he was, what he could do, his powers... until he saw his shadow ... and the shadow said, "Oh, there you are, Peter!" I smiled at this today, feeling something related. Today my spirit caught up with my body, or my body caught up with my spirit - one of those. ? :) At the end of my ride I felt out of shape, but I felt like an out of shape cyclist - not some slow ass on a bike who can't ride.

Only I know the difference, because only I know what this reality has been for several seasons.

I won't be racing in 2008... but if I can return to give it one more go for 2009, I know both Carole and her shadow will be in sync...

"The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory."
- Vince Lombardi -