Well, rehab has officially begun...
"How can I go forward when I don't know which way I'm facing?
How can I go forward when I don't know which way to turn?
How can I go forward into something I'm not sure of?"
-John Lennon
Everything is pretty restricted. I am allowed to swim 500-1000 only 3x/week. I am running 10 x 80m 3x/week, working on my *new* run form. I am also allowed to cycle for 30:00 starting next week, but only a couple times.
Stretching and range of motion exercises every day.
Heat & ice, every day. Constantly.
This is the plan for the next 15 days.
If all seems improved after this block, then I get to double the above for another 15-day block. This is all so humbling...
I'm not feeling frustrated, really. It just is what it is.
Chuck thinks I may be able to do a Sprint by June. Wow... All this work so I can do a Sprint....
February 28, 2008
February 25, 2008
Guru from Hell
Chuck has been great. He tolerates my personality well and seems to find me pretty funny. He is a complete straight-shooter, pushes me and gets in my face when needed, tells me like it is but is quick to follow up with something encouraging, and makes me laugh. Professionally I have great respect for his knowledge, but personally, I like him, too.
Every day he has called to ask, "Do you feel your butt today?" By this he is asking if my gluts are sore from the exercises intended to recruit the muscle, but this has become the deliberate phrase used to evoke witty response. On cue I respond, "I love when men ask me this!" We both laugh into the phone. Every time.
It's been pretty amazing to be in his clinic for the last week, not just the privilege of working with Chuck, but seeing the array of amazing athletes who come through its door as if its revolving. I have been there every day and have seen all kinds: professional football, basketball, baseball and soccer players, professional surfers, professional golfers, and high-end amateur athletes, as well. Often times I have been working independently on my exercises in a corner of the spacious facility while I watch Chuck work with others. I've been amazed at his ability to relate to every sport, each athlete, and specify the exercise to each athlete's sport and related mechanical deficiency. I see why he has the reputation he does.
It's funny to watch him interact, especially with the beefy football guys. He's in their face, screaming at them with movement corrections, firing them up, etc. And everyone does exactly what he says; no one disobeys Chuck.
A few days ago I was there while Chuck was working with Professional Wakeboarder, Rusty Malinoski (ranked #1 in world). Truthfully, I had no clue who he was (until Chuck told me) as I don't follow wakeboarding, but I was soon fixated on his session. He was a BEAST.
Chuck would give him a rigorous routine of speed and agility exercises, and he'd be grunting and screaming like the guys lifting 500lbs. He'd finish the set and promptly collapse on the floor, huffing and puffing. Seconds later you'd hear Chuck's booming voice, "Get UP! Get up right now! Go to the next one! NOW!!" Immediately Rusty would scream in exhaustion as he forced is body to begin the next rigorous set... again grunting with unbelievable effort expended. It was awesome to watch. The dude was seriously pushing his body to the limits, and Chuck was not giving in. It was truly something to behold.
I was watching this spectacle from the corner of the room with my jaw on the floor as I was getting yet another bike fit (yes!). During a break in Rusty's session I watched Chuck point over to me and heard him say, "That's Carole. She's a professional triathlete". Rusty seemed impressed with that. So I thought. :)
He started to wander over... as he did, he yelled out, "I'll trade jobs with you"... I wasn't about to let that one go.
CS: "You think so, huh?" I shot back with a confident smile.
He was at my bike and checking it out.
RM: "That's a cool bike. What, so how many miles are in your race?"
CS: "112."
His eyebrows raised as his eyes bulged.
CS: "And then you have to run a marathon."
He looked back at his coach and laughed.
RS: "Forget THAT!" he said, laughing.
Of course I had to go for the jugular and bring it home.
CS: "What, and you stand on a board??" I winked at him so he knew I was teasing. I was. No way I'd attempt what he does. Wakeboarding is HARD, especially at his acrobatic level of flips and jumps. I tried to learn to surf for years when I lived in California, I could never do it well. I definitely respected his job... but of course wasn't about to back down in the moment. Absolutely I needed to defend my sport and its TOUGH athletes! :)
He laughed at my comment. Cool guy, for sure...
He was there another day and brought his new baby in to meet Chuck. Sweet little guy. You know that kid has some hard-core DNA.
So, some fun times to have met some athletes from other sports this last week. The respect they hold for Chuck, and the teasing relationship they have with him really illuminated how well he connects with them all. Given their diversity in personality, sport and goals, this only added credence in my mind to Chuck's legendary reputation.
I feel honored to have worked with him.
Every day he has called to ask, "Do you feel your butt today?" By this he is asking if my gluts are sore from the exercises intended to recruit the muscle, but this has become the deliberate phrase used to evoke witty response. On cue I respond, "I love when men ask me this!" We both laugh into the phone. Every time.
It's been pretty amazing to be in his clinic for the last week, not just the privilege of working with Chuck, but seeing the array of amazing athletes who come through its door as if its revolving. I have been there every day and have seen all kinds: professional football, basketball, baseball and soccer players, professional surfers, professional golfers, and high-end amateur athletes, as well. Often times I have been working independently on my exercises in a corner of the spacious facility while I watch Chuck work with others. I've been amazed at his ability to relate to every sport, each athlete, and specify the exercise to each athlete's sport and related mechanical deficiency. I see why he has the reputation he does.
It's funny to watch him interact, especially with the beefy football guys. He's in their face, screaming at them with movement corrections, firing them up, etc. And everyone does exactly what he says; no one disobeys Chuck.
A few days ago I was there while Chuck was working with Professional Wakeboarder, Rusty Malinoski (ranked #1 in world). Truthfully, I had no clue who he was (until Chuck told me) as I don't follow wakeboarding, but I was soon fixated on his session. He was a BEAST.
Chuck would give him a rigorous routine of speed and agility exercises, and he'd be grunting and screaming like the guys lifting 500lbs. He'd finish the set and promptly collapse on the floor, huffing and puffing. Seconds later you'd hear Chuck's booming voice, "Get UP! Get up right now! Go to the next one! NOW!!" Immediately Rusty would scream in exhaustion as he forced is body to begin the next rigorous set... again grunting with unbelievable effort expended. It was awesome to watch. The dude was seriously pushing his body to the limits, and Chuck was not giving in. It was truly something to behold.
I was watching this spectacle from the corner of the room with my jaw on the floor as I was getting yet another bike fit (yes!). During a break in Rusty's session I watched Chuck point over to me and heard him say, "That's Carole. She's a professional triathlete". Rusty seemed impressed with that. So I thought. :)
He started to wander over... as he did, he yelled out, "I'll trade jobs with you"... I wasn't about to let that one go.
CS: "You think so, huh?" I shot back with a confident smile.
He was at my bike and checking it out.
RM: "That's a cool bike. What, so how many miles are in your race?"
CS: "112."
His eyebrows raised as his eyes bulged.
CS: "And then you have to run a marathon."
He looked back at his coach and laughed.
RS: "Forget THAT!" he said, laughing.
Of course I had to go for the jugular and bring it home.
CS: "What, and you stand on a board??" I winked at him so he knew I was teasing. I was. No way I'd attempt what he does. Wakeboarding is HARD, especially at his acrobatic level of flips and jumps. I tried to learn to surf for years when I lived in California, I could never do it well. I definitely respected his job... but of course wasn't about to back down in the moment. Absolutely I needed to defend my sport and its TOUGH athletes! :)
He laughed at my comment. Cool guy, for sure...
He was there another day and brought his new baby in to meet Chuck. Sweet little guy. You know that kid has some hard-core DNA.
So, some fun times to have met some athletes from other sports this last week. The respect they hold for Chuck, and the teasing relationship they have with him really illuminated how well he connects with them all. Given their diversity in personality, sport and goals, this only added credence in my mind to Chuck's legendary reputation.
I feel honored to have worked with him.
February 24, 2008
Biomechanical Guru
To say Chuck Wolf is a "biomechanical guru" is like saying a lit match in a gasoline refinery could cause disaster. Uh, heck yeah!
After discussing my history for over an hour, I began what would be a 2.5 hour physical assessment. The start to this illuminated everything that was to come. With his clipboard in hand, Chuck told me to walk about 10 meters and turn around. As I was walking back towards him, the expression on his face was as if I had 6 heads. ?
"What? What's wrong", I asked.
"Is that seriously how you walk?", Chuck asked.
I thought he was just taunting me.
"Yea", I said.
Chuck's expression then looked as if I had told him I was planning to live on fried pork rinds forever, and he scribbled vigorously onto his notepad.
Uh-oh.
For more than 2 hours I went through endless motion tests, and Chuck was amazingly thorough. I did various lunges and movement patterns with changes in foot positions, all of which involved measurements to adjoining body parts. The amount of detail to it all and the information derived was unlike anything I had ever seen.
His findings were overwhelming. In short, I am a mess, as he told Joanna on the phone. The longer version: I have no tibial internal rotation, very little dorsiflexion and I am missing forefoot abduction on the right side. This covers just my feet. Then, I have virtually zero hip extension which means my calf can't load, so there is no rotation to the opposite side (less thoracic motion). This is largely why I am such an inefficient (and SLOW!) runner --- my stride is too short with my horrifically tight hip flexors; I have very little thoracic hip rotation which limits my transverse plane running power. Essentially, I have an extremely limited running form. The good news, Chuck says, is if I can fix these issues, I will be an entirely different runner. My ability is much greater than my results have shown. That was encouraging... He also believes that once we get my glute to engage (I have a "dead butt"), many of my back issues will disappear. Music to my ears.
A lot of these things I already knew, however. Certainly not all of it, but a lot. I have seen so many doctors/therapists that each had pointed out portions of these things. What makes Chuck a bit different from the rest is that he asks WHY this is. When my right foot lands, my knee goes in while my hips stay neutral. This isn't optimal movement, so WHY does this happen? Chuck looks at the "chain of movement" of physiology to try to determine and fix the root of the problem, not necessarily what is happening as a result.
From there, exercises and stretches were given, and Chuck has been working several hours a day with me on them, making sure I am doing them correctly, and yelling at me like a strength coach yells at his defensive line. "God!", he shreeks, "Get that stick OUT OF YOUR ASS when you walk! What do I keep telling you!" I laugh as I correct my form.
I have a ton of work in front of me... I have 2-weeks of ONLY these exercises, 30 minutes a day. That is all. Uuug. Chuck and Joanna keep reminding me that I am in rehab mode. There is no 'training' when you are in rehab. Everything I am doing will make my training stronger when I am able to return, but until these issues are fixed, I will continue to backtrack. Perhaps this is why I had made no improvements thus far?
I am exhausted, and this is only the beginning.
After discussing my history for over an hour, I began what would be a 2.5 hour physical assessment. The start to this illuminated everything that was to come. With his clipboard in hand, Chuck told me to walk about 10 meters and turn around. As I was walking back towards him, the expression on his face was as if I had 6 heads. ?
"What? What's wrong", I asked.
"Is that seriously how you walk?", Chuck asked.
I thought he was just taunting me.
"Yea", I said.
Chuck's expression then looked as if I had told him I was planning to live on fried pork rinds forever, and he scribbled vigorously onto his notepad.
Uh-oh.
For more than 2 hours I went through endless motion tests, and Chuck was amazingly thorough. I did various lunges and movement patterns with changes in foot positions, all of which involved measurements to adjoining body parts. The amount of detail to it all and the information derived was unlike anything I had ever seen.
His findings were overwhelming. In short, I am a mess, as he told Joanna on the phone. The longer version: I have no tibial internal rotation, very little dorsiflexion and I am missing forefoot abduction on the right side. This covers just my feet. Then, I have virtually zero hip extension which means my calf can't load, so there is no rotation to the opposite side (less thoracic motion). This is largely why I am such an inefficient (and SLOW!) runner --- my stride is too short with my horrifically tight hip flexors; I have very little thoracic hip rotation which limits my transverse plane running power. Essentially, I have an extremely limited running form. The good news, Chuck says, is if I can fix these issues, I will be an entirely different runner. My ability is much greater than my results have shown. That was encouraging... He also believes that once we get my glute to engage (I have a "dead butt"), many of my back issues will disappear. Music to my ears.
A lot of these things I already knew, however. Certainly not all of it, but a lot. I have seen so many doctors/therapists that each had pointed out portions of these things. What makes Chuck a bit different from the rest is that he asks WHY this is. When my right foot lands, my knee goes in while my hips stay neutral. This isn't optimal movement, so WHY does this happen? Chuck looks at the "chain of movement" of physiology to try to determine and fix the root of the problem, not necessarily what is happening as a result.
From there, exercises and stretches were given, and Chuck has been working several hours a day with me on them, making sure I am doing them correctly, and yelling at me like a strength coach yells at his defensive line. "God!", he shreeks, "Get that stick OUT OF YOUR ASS when you walk! What do I keep telling you!" I laugh as I correct my form.
I have a ton of work in front of me... I have 2-weeks of ONLY these exercises, 30 minutes a day. That is all. Uuug. Chuck and Joanna keep reminding me that I am in rehab mode. There is no 'training' when you are in rehab. Everything I am doing will make my training stronger when I am able to return, but until these issues are fixed, I will continue to backtrack. Perhaps this is why I had made no improvements thus far?
I am exhausted, and this is only the beginning.
February 23, 2008
I saw this today:
“Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.”
- Orison Swett Marden -
- Orison Swett Marden -
February 19, 2008
April Showers Bring Paolina Flowers... :)
Every year when spring hits I hear my mother's voice in my head cheerfully saying in 2 octaves higher, "April showers bring May flowers..." No, it's not spring yet, but this morning I received a GREAT email from Paolina (Allan) which has me now eagerly anticipating spring.
She started with (I copied & pasted from her email: Are you looking forward to the Timex camp? Who are you rooming with, can you believe this I actually feel quite jealous that you will be rooming with someone else, sharing a room, telling stories..."
Polly was my roommate last year at team camp but this year will be in Scotland getting married during camp weekend. I will miss her, for sure. I know Hager and I will miss her during our morning 1-mile walk to Starbucks - last year they were ritual for the three of us and we would chat our mouths off!
So... Polly then asks if she can come and stay with me in April to train!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Are you sensing I am not happy about it?)
While I think she is INSANE for wanting to come to ATLANTA to train ... ??? ... I realize she wants to escape the freeze of Toronto and do some riding in the hills to prepare for IM Lanzarote. Plus, of course, it is so much cheaper to stay with a friend than having to rent a house for weeks on end. It adds up! Pro triathletes look out for each other in this way. I cannot wait to have her here.
To add incentive to let her stay (as if she needed to!), she told me she would be my cleaning lady. I about fell out of my chair laughing at this. To me, there is always something really wonderful about the teasing that goes on between REAL friends. I knew she was taking a jab at me for being such a slob and I thought it was hilarious.
Last year at camp, our room was the butt of constant jokes between us. Polly had these meticulous, organized piles of stuff, things stacked geometrically, nothing out of order. I think she even color coordinated her stacks. The ENTIRE rest of our room, literally, looked like there had been some sort of clothes/product EXPLOSION. We called it, "Tornado Sharpie". All of my stuff was everywhere, even on her side of the room. :)
When I walked into our room I would deliberately kick over one of her neat piles, just to get at her. :) When she came in she would just reorganize, refold, and go about her business without even being fazed. I would shake my head and laugh.
Polly was extremely tolerant of me, bless her heart, and we definitely laughed about it all. It was definite Felix and Oscar, for sure.
I mean, I am not a SLOB, but I am certainly not a neat freak. I have piles of things everywhere in my house; organization is sadly NOT my forte'. It is one of my least favorite qualities in myself, actually.... but, you know, I've learned to find compassion for my failings. I will never be the ultra executive assistant who can color code appointments, create graphs and charts galore, and have every scrap of paper perfectly filed away. I completely envy these qualities but I probably will never be this ultra organized assistant... however, I may be the Executive who GETS the assistant!! Ka-POW.
It's all about utilizing the best skills we have, not trying to constantly improve the weaknesses. Shine the good stuff, baby.
So while my bike may not be the cleanest on the bike rack at the race... you may not get the chance to see it again until the race is over.
I'm cool with that. :)
She started with (I copied & pasted from her email: Are you looking forward to the Timex camp? Who are you rooming with, can you believe this I actually feel quite jealous that you will be rooming with someone else, sharing a room, telling stories..."
Polly was my roommate last year at team camp but this year will be in Scotland getting married during camp weekend. I will miss her, for sure. I know Hager and I will miss her during our morning 1-mile walk to Starbucks - last year they were ritual for the three of us and we would chat our mouths off!
So... Polly then asks if she can come and stay with me in April to train!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Are you sensing I am not happy about it?)
While I think she is INSANE for wanting to come to ATLANTA to train ... ??? ... I realize she wants to escape the freeze of Toronto and do some riding in the hills to prepare for IM Lanzarote. Plus, of course, it is so much cheaper to stay with a friend than having to rent a house for weeks on end. It adds up! Pro triathletes look out for each other in this way. I cannot wait to have her here.
To add incentive to let her stay (as if she needed to!), she told me she would be my cleaning lady. I about fell out of my chair laughing at this. To me, there is always something really wonderful about the teasing that goes on between REAL friends. I knew she was taking a jab at me for being such a slob and I thought it was hilarious.
Last year at camp, our room was the butt of constant jokes between us. Polly had these meticulous, organized piles of stuff, things stacked geometrically, nothing out of order. I think she even color coordinated her stacks. The ENTIRE rest of our room, literally, looked like there had been some sort of clothes/product EXPLOSION. We called it, "Tornado Sharpie". All of my stuff was everywhere, even on her side of the room. :)
When I walked into our room I would deliberately kick over one of her neat piles, just to get at her. :) When she came in she would just reorganize, refold, and go about her business without even being fazed. I would shake my head and laugh.
Polly was extremely tolerant of me, bless her heart, and we definitely laughed about it all. It was definite Felix and Oscar, for sure.
I mean, I am not a SLOB, but I am certainly not a neat freak. I have piles of things everywhere in my house; organization is sadly NOT my forte'. It is one of my least favorite qualities in myself, actually.... but, you know, I've learned to find compassion for my failings. I will never be the ultra executive assistant who can color code appointments, create graphs and charts galore, and have every scrap of paper perfectly filed away. I completely envy these qualities but I probably will never be this ultra organized assistant... however, I may be the Executive who GETS the assistant!! Ka-POW.
It's all about utilizing the best skills we have, not trying to constantly improve the weaknesses. Shine the good stuff, baby.
So while my bike may not be the cleanest on the bike rack at the race... you may not get the chance to see it again until the race is over.
I'm cool with that. :)
February 16, 2008
Travels...
I am busy packing and preparing to leave for FL. It's strange to pack for an indefinite amount of time. I have no clue if I'll be there for 2 days or 5 weeks. It will all depend on what Chuck wants. I'm really eager to get Chuck's assessment and to get his suggestions on what to do in moving forward, all pun intended.
On the other side of the country........ literally....... JZ called yesterday to see how I was doing. How kind is she? I know with what she went through with her own back issues she really empathizes with my own frustrations, and she is so generous to want to offer support. Funny conversation, though...
JZ: Well, I'm in San Diego...
CS: You ARE? I am so jealous. I want to be there, too. That's awesome.
JZ: Yeah... The weather in Boulder was shit. I met up with Billy (Edwards) down here and .... < a bit of a pause > .... we're going to drive together over to Tucson.
Silence over the phone. It was funny because I could hear her cringing as she told me that. Then, I exploded...
CS: WHAT!!????????!!!! You have GOT to be kidding me!!! YOU are going to be in Tuscon, too???? ...
I was screaming into the phone, mostly for emphasis, but also in a teasing, exasperated tone. JZ was the one who suggested I not go to Tucson (which she was right to do) so of course I had to give her shit for going.
JZ: I know, I am so sorry...
CS: This is getting worse and worse.... OH-MY-GOD!!!
JZ: Dude, I'm sorry. I know it sucks for you not to be able to go.
I just laughed.
We talked for a bit and she was really excited I was going to see Chuck. She really feels this will bring a ton of direction to my path.
Will be interesting to see what is next....
On the other side of the country........ literally....... JZ called yesterday to see how I was doing. How kind is she? I know with what she went through with her own back issues she really empathizes with my own frustrations, and she is so generous to want to offer support. Funny conversation, though...
JZ: Well, I'm in San Diego...
CS: You ARE? I am so jealous. I want to be there, too. That's awesome.
JZ: Yeah... The weather in Boulder was shit. I met up with Billy (Edwards) down here and .... < a bit of a pause > .... we're going to drive together over to Tucson.
Silence over the phone. It was funny because I could hear her cringing as she told me that. Then, I exploded...
CS: WHAT!!????????!!!! You have GOT to be kidding me!!! YOU are going to be in Tuscon, too???? ...
I was screaming into the phone, mostly for emphasis, but also in a teasing, exasperated tone. JZ was the one who suggested I not go to Tucson (which she was right to do) so of course I had to give her shit for going.
JZ:
CS: This is getting worse and worse.... OH-MY-GOD!!!
JZ: Dude, I'm sorry. I know it sucks for you not to be able to go.
I just laughed.
We talked for a bit and she was really excited I was going to see Chuck. She really feels this will bring a ton of direction to my path.
Will be interesting to see what is next....
February 15, 2008
Into the joint...
So I had another appointment with Dr Maunter, my sports med doc. I am in slightly worse condition than my last visit, which is significantly troubling since I really haven't been doing much. I told him I was trying to pinpoint something specific, trying to pay attention to something unusual (different) I did which caused a different result than normal. I'm frustrated because I'm not sure what is happening to cause what.
Dr M isn't certain either.
He was happy to hear I am going to see Chuck in a few days and suggested I hold off on any injections until I return from Chuck's assessment. Dr M thought it was a good idea for Chuck to see me as I am: inflamed, sore, poor range of motion, discomfort, pain, etc. He didn't want to just band-aid problems with an injection as that may hide some of the problem. I appreciated that approach, and I agreed with it.
So, I'm headed to FL in just a couple days. Upon return, Dr M has scheduled me to have an injection into my si joint. He isn't confident this is the solution but wants to see what happens as a result.
Complete needle-phobic wuss that I am, I asked him what the pain scale was for this procedure, 1-10, with "a complete sissy doing the rating"... He laughed and said it was about 97. HOLY SHIT. My eyes grew large when he told me this. He kind of chuckled and shook his head; I didn't know if this meant he was kidding about the 97 scale or if I had just completely ruined my tough-girl veneer. He asked how an athlete of my caliber, with my obvious pain tolerance, is scared of a little needle.
I told him I'm a total baby with needles... and also, into my si joint?? OUCH.
I then asked if I could come in drunk (anything to help dull the pain, I said)... this dude is going to think I am a nutcase! :) He laughed... I think he is starting to get my sense of humor... but I still think he is starting to believe I need more psychiatric care than skeletal/muscular.
Doesn't EVERYONE!??! :) :)
Dr M isn't certain either.
He was happy to hear I am going to see Chuck in a few days and suggested I hold off on any injections until I return from Chuck's assessment. Dr M thought it was a good idea for Chuck to see me as I am: inflamed, sore, poor range of motion, discomfort, pain, etc. He didn't want to just band-aid problems with an injection as that may hide some of the problem. I appreciated that approach, and I agreed with it.
So, I'm headed to FL in just a couple days. Upon return, Dr M has scheduled me to have an injection into my si joint. He isn't confident this is the solution but wants to see what happens as a result.
Complete needle-phobic wuss that I am, I asked him what the pain scale was for this procedure, 1-10, with "a complete sissy doing the rating"... He laughed and said it was about 97. HOLY SHIT. My eyes grew large when he told me this. He kind of chuckled and shook his head; I didn't know if this meant he was kidding about the 97 scale or if I had just completely ruined my tough-girl veneer. He asked how an athlete of my caliber, with my obvious pain tolerance, is scared of a little needle.
I told him I'm a total baby with needles... and also, into my si joint?? OUCH.
I then asked if I could come in drunk (anything to help dull the pain, I said)... this dude is going to think I am a nutcase! :) He laughed... I think he is starting to get my sense of humor... but I still think he is starting to believe I need more psychiatric care than skeletal/muscular.
Doesn't EVERYONE!??! :) :)
February 13, 2008
One of the things I really love is observing someone doing something they're truly passionate about. There is something about the connection, the energy, the passion, that comes when they are doing what they TRULY love. It's a rare thing to see, actually, but when I get the opportunity, I am often fixated.
Years ago when I was living in California, I attended a cabaret one evening with my boyfriend. At one point in the show a woman was playing the cello, solo. Despite growing up in a musical household with my Juilliard-trained mother, I've not been one to be overly drawn to anyone playing this bowed string instrument. I have intense appreciation for music and the enormous amount of talent and hard work required to be good. But truth be told, I would probably go to a Braves Game before a night at the symphony. (Sorry, mommy!) On this night, however, I was captivated. I remember it clearly. The cellist was absolutely absorbed in her work, often her eyes were closed, and you could tell every ounce of her was deeply connected to the beautiful melodies she created. I remember whispering to my boyfriend, "I love watching someone do what they love". It really was quite something.
The other evening, this happened again. I was invited to the home of my former boss and friend, John Beach. I had worked for John in 2001 in my previous corporate world life, coincidentally as I was just getting into triathlon. (I remember biking on my trainer in the hallway of the office. I would ride during lunch and everyone would bring me back something to eat at my desk so I'd not miss training.) Since then John and his awesome wife, Missie, have had two children, Hatcher, 4, and Brooks, 2. Walking into the home where two young boys were being raised was like walking into a mass energy field. Within seconds of my entry, Hatcher and Brooks were zooooooooming around the house at top speeds. Back and forth, back and forth, balls thrown, forts entered, stuffed animals hurled... I loved it! :)
While Missie was finishing dinner, I played games with the boys and John. I watched how he interacted with his kids, his genuine THRILL to throw-down and have fun with them. It wasn't parental obligation to occupy the kids while his wife prepared dinner, he really was enjoying his children. It was such a special thing to observe...
So after our family dinner, full of laughs and under-the-table tickles from Hatcher, Missie was giving the boys a bath before bedtime while John and I chatted in the living room. I knew him well before the kids and I was really happy to see how his life had taken shape with the addition of his family. I complimented his "daddy skills" and noted how good he was with his boys. He played with them, laughed with them, and the household was genuinely fun and loving... what a place for any young soul to thrive. He then said, "You know, I really feel like I was put on this earth to be a dad, to nurture other souls and provide the foundation for their growth into adults..."
I thought about that as I drove home that evening... how peaceful it must be to be doing exactly what you want, what you believe you're good at doing, what you feel you were put on the planet to do. Ug. I was envious, almost. I wish that for everyone - that we can all find what we love, and know we were meant for the role or occupation or activity. And with that comes PEACE....
Years ago when I was living in California, I attended a cabaret one evening with my boyfriend. At one point in the show a woman was playing the cello, solo. Despite growing up in a musical household with my Juilliard-trained mother, I've not been one to be overly drawn to anyone playing this bowed string instrument. I have intense appreciation for music and the enormous amount of talent and hard work required to be good. But truth be told, I would probably go to a Braves Game before a night at the symphony. (Sorry, mommy!) On this night, however, I was captivated. I remember it clearly. The cellist was absolutely absorbed in her work, often her eyes were closed, and you could tell every ounce of her was deeply connected to the beautiful melodies she created. I remember whispering to my boyfriend, "I love watching someone do what they love". It really was quite something.
The other evening, this happened again. I was invited to the home of my former boss and friend, John Beach. I had worked for John in 2001 in my previous corporate world life, coincidentally as I was just getting into triathlon. (I remember biking on my trainer in the hallway of the office. I would ride during lunch and everyone would bring me back something to eat at my desk so I'd not miss training.) Since then John and his awesome wife, Missie, have had two children, Hatcher, 4, and Brooks, 2. Walking into the home where two young boys were being raised was like walking into a mass energy field. Within seconds of my entry, Hatcher and Brooks were zooooooooming around the house at top speeds. Back and forth, back and forth, balls thrown, forts entered, stuffed animals hurled... I loved it! :)
While Missie was finishing dinner, I played games with the boys and John. I watched how he interacted with his kids, his genuine THRILL to throw-down and have fun with them. It wasn't parental obligation to occupy the kids while his wife prepared dinner, he really was enjoying his children. It was such a special thing to observe...
So after our family dinner, full of laughs and under-the-table tickles from Hatcher, Missie was giving the boys a bath before bedtime while John and I chatted in the living room. I knew him well before the kids and I was really happy to see how his life had taken shape with the addition of his family. I complimented his "daddy skills" and noted how good he was with his boys. He played with them, laughed with them, and the household was genuinely fun and loving... what a place for any young soul to thrive. He then said, "You know, I really feel like I was put on this earth to be a dad, to nurture other souls and provide the foundation for their growth into adults..."
I thought about that as I drove home that evening... how peaceful it must be to be doing exactly what you want, what you believe you're good at doing, what you feel you were put on the planet to do. Ug. I was envious, almost. I wish that for everyone - that we can all find what we love, and know we were meant for the role or occupation or activity. And with that comes PEACE....
February 8, 2008
Pong
I feel as though almost each day is different. One day I have sturdy direction, the next it is something new. I should be blogging every 6 hours to keep up with it all.
I cannot retell all details of the last week; I saw too many specialists with changes in courses of action such that it feels like a game of Pong. My neck is getting tired from all of this head spinning. :)
The hamster wheel is not my favorite pastime. That feels like what I have been on.
At the end of this month I had planned on going to Tucson. Paolina (Allan) was renting a house with her friend, superstar cyclist, Leigh Bianco, and they invited me to join. Then, it got better. A handful of my good Boulder buddies: Billy Edwards, Laura Tingle, Erin Kummer, Mark Van Akkeren, Justin Daerr would also be in Tucson during that time frame. I also got an email from Chris Hauth; he was doing a camp there with Wendy Ingraham, and I could jump in on stuff with them. This was getting to be a FUN reunion opportunity! It was my hope that by this time I would be riding - and what better way to do some serious fitness rebuilding than a training camp with my good, good friends? I was looking forward to this.
After several days of appointments with conflicting protocol, I called JZ to vent my frustration(s), and get her advice. I think I need to start paying her a counselor fee. :) We went over all the contradictory opinions, my lack of progress despite a ton of work, and my current physical abilities versus pain. When I began to whine that all of this struggle and headache was not worth it just to return to a bike, she reminded me that triathlon training and racing was secondary. Right now my objective was to address these issues so my life would not be hindered. "You're too young to be plagued with back issues, Carole", she counseled. "And they aren't going to go away on their own. What if you decide to have children? You're not going to be able to pick up the baby because your back gives out? Or you can't ever go on a fun bike ride with your friends just to enjoy the day? Is that what you want? You have to fix this, Carole."
She is right. I know...
Her first bit of advice, no Tucson. (*sigh*) Joanna was concerned it would do more harm than good to my psyche being in an environment where everyone was putting in massive training hours, while I would be bored waiting for them to return after a 1 hour rehab ride. This was assuming I could train at all. I think she knows me well. That situation would be difficult.
This decision seriously saddened me. I had been killing myself doing tons of swim lessons or anything extra I could do to get my plane ticket and chip in for house rental, and I was really excited about getting to spend time with my friends, Paolina especially. I was broken hearted to tell her; she understood, but we were both bummed to miss out on quality time together, and miss training together like we always talk about.
Joanna's second bit of advice... "I have had it with all this bullshit!", she said in her usual scrappy, feisty tone. "Enough is enough!!",
It was time for me see her "biomechanical genius", as she called him, the man who brought her back from the brink of retirement with her painful back misery. She was tired for me with all the PONG going on and put in a call to Chuck Wolf on my behalf. Most elite athletes know who Chuck is, or have at least heard of him.
Chuck has a legendary reputation for his brilliance in human motion and performance enhancement, and for correcting severe biomechanical dysfunctions in many world class athletes. JZ worked with him for 6-weeks to help with her back problems post-Olympics. She gives almost exclusive credit to him for rebuilding her body not just to return to racing, that was impressive enough, but to race stronger than ever.
Later that night I did a phone consultation with Chuck to determine some baseline information to see if I needed to do an in-person physical assessment. We quickly discovered that my lack of muscular/skeletal vocabulary, or knowledge therein, would not help our cause... so we did a 3-way phone call with my kinesthetic guru, my massage therapist, Collette Ragan. It felt almost like an intervention of sorts as they discussed me in 3rd person as though I wasn't part of the conversation. Frankly, I barely was.
For almost an hour I listened intently as Chuck asked Collette detailed questions about my mobility, muscular responses, problem areas, etc. It was a fascinating but perplexing conversation - every word out of their mouths sounded as though they were talking about dinosaur species. :) I had no clue WHAT they were saying, but occasionally Chuck would respond, "Mmm. That's not good". I was so grateful to Collette for taking the time to fill Chuck in; her fluency with the subject was equal to Chuck's and she gave him the precise information I was unable to.
Chuck told me he highly recommended we do an assessment together at his clinic in Florida. There were things he needed to see in person. I called JZ to fill her in and asked what she thought. "Get your ass down there!", was her obvious response. :)
Once I get a secure date in Chuck's busy schedule, I will be on my way.
I trust JZ without a glimmer of hesitation. If she thinks this will help, I will go. Plus, in my gut I think this is a good decision. I am eager to see what Chuck thinks. In the meantime, I'll keep dealing with the discomfort hoping some answers are on the horizon.
I cannot retell all details of the last week; I saw too many specialists with changes in courses of action such that it feels like a game of Pong. My neck is getting tired from all of this head spinning. :)
The hamster wheel is not my favorite pastime. That feels like what I have been on.
At the end of this month I had planned on going to Tucson. Paolina (Allan) was renting a house with her friend, superstar cyclist, Leigh Bianco, and they invited me to join. Then, it got better. A handful of my good Boulder buddies: Billy Edwards, Laura Tingle, Erin Kummer, Mark Van Akkeren, Justin Daerr would also be in Tucson during that time frame. I also got an email from Chris Hauth; he was doing a camp there with Wendy Ingraham, and I could jump in on stuff with them. This was getting to be a FUN reunion opportunity! It was my hope that by this time I would be riding - and what better way to do some serious fitness rebuilding than a training camp with my good, good friends? I was looking forward to this.
After several days of appointments with conflicting protocol, I called JZ to vent my frustration(s), and get her advice. I think I need to start paying her a counselor fee. :) We went over all the contradictory opinions, my lack of progress despite a ton of work, and my current physical abilities versus pain. When I began to whine that all of this struggle and headache was not worth it just to return to a bike, she reminded me that triathlon training and racing was secondary. Right now my objective was to address these issues so my life would not be hindered. "You're too young to be plagued with back issues, Carole", she counseled. "And they aren't going to go away on their own. What if you decide to have children? You're not going to be able to pick up the baby because your back gives out? Or you can't ever go on a fun bike ride with your friends just to enjoy the day? Is that what you want? You have to fix this, Carole."
She is right. I know...
Her first bit of advice, no Tucson. (*sigh*) Joanna was concerned it would do more harm than good to my psyche being in an environment where everyone was putting in massive training hours, while I would be bored waiting for them to return after a 1 hour rehab ride. This was assuming I could train at all. I think she knows me well. That situation would be difficult.
This decision seriously saddened me. I had been killing myself doing tons of swim lessons or anything extra I could do to get my plane ticket and chip in for house rental, and I was really excited about getting to spend time with my friends, Paolina especially. I was broken hearted to tell her; she understood, but we were both bummed to miss out on quality time together, and miss training together like we always talk about.
Joanna's second bit of advice... "I have had it with all this bullshit!", she said in her usual scrappy, feisty tone. "Enough is enough!!",
It was time for me see her "biomechanical genius", as she called him, the man who brought her back from the brink of retirement with her painful back misery. She was tired for me with all the PONG going on and put in a call to Chuck Wolf on my behalf. Most elite athletes know who Chuck is, or have at least heard of him.
Chuck has a legendary reputation for his brilliance in human motion and performance enhancement, and for correcting severe biomechanical dysfunctions in many world class athletes. JZ worked with him for 6-weeks to help with her back problems post-Olympics. She gives almost exclusive credit to him for rebuilding her body not just to return to racing, that was impressive enough, but to race stronger than ever.
Later that night I did a phone consultation with Chuck to determine some baseline information to see if I needed to do an in-person physical assessment. We quickly discovered that my lack of muscular/skeletal vocabulary, or knowledge therein, would not help our cause... so we did a 3-way phone call with my kinesthetic guru, my massage therapist, Collette Ragan. It felt almost like an intervention of sorts as they discussed me in 3rd person as though I wasn't part of the conversation. Frankly, I barely was.
For almost an hour I listened intently as Chuck asked Collette detailed questions about my mobility, muscular responses, problem areas, etc. It was a fascinating but perplexing conversation - every word out of their mouths sounded as though they were talking about dinosaur species. :) I had no clue WHAT they were saying, but occasionally Chuck would respond, "Mmm. That's not good". I was so grateful to Collette for taking the time to fill Chuck in; her fluency with the subject was equal to Chuck's and she gave him the precise information I was unable to.
Chuck told me he highly recommended we do an assessment together at his clinic in Florida. There were things he needed to see in person. I called JZ to fill her in and asked what she thought. "Get your ass down there!", was her obvious response. :)
Once I get a secure date in Chuck's busy schedule, I will be on my way.
I trust JZ without a glimmer of hesitation. If she thinks this will help, I will go. Plus, in my gut I think this is a good decision. I am eager to see what Chuck thinks. In the meantime, I'll keep dealing with the discomfort hoping some answers are on the horizon.
February 6, 2008
Trying...
"Don't be stupid, you can't do that."
"Yes I can, anything is possible."
"We told you that you couldn't do it."
"At least I tried, you bastards."
R.P. McMurphy 's exchange with other patients of a lock down hospital mental ward as he strains to pull a drinking fountain off a wall to smash through a window for escape in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey (the movie starring Jack Nicholson).
Perfect.
"Yes I can, anything is possible."
"We told you that you couldn't do it."
"At least I tried, you bastards."
R.P. McMurphy 's exchange with other patients of a lock down hospital mental ward as he strains to pull a drinking fountain off a wall to smash through a window for escape in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey (the movie starring Jack Nicholson).
Perfect.
February 1, 2008
Leadership
My Timex teammate, Kyle Marcotte, leaves me the craziest text messages (and emails) from time to time. Makes me giggle. The most recent was, "Sharpie, I ate a box of Kraft Dinner tonight. I think I have to go to fat camp!" KD = macaroni and cheese to a Canuck. The boy is a wacko. :)
Not to be upstaged, I was given a HUGE hold-my-gut laugh yesterday. I received a very kind, supportive email from local Atlanta triathlete, Joe Reger. Among his thoughtful words he included support for my rehab and return to triathlon. Then, he added what I thought was hilarious: "It’s incredibly instructive to watch you go through the process on your blog… like watching those animals on the Discovery Channel get eaten… I certainly would like to help!"
WATCHING THE ANIMALS GET EATEN??? :) :)
I laughed out loud when I read that... reading of my attempts to heal parallels the plight of the wounded prey, the carnage... ?? Man, I thought that analogy was priceless. I appreciated the humor he brought to the scene.
Good times.
So this week I somehow found myself on the invitation list to an evening wine and cheese party for "Women in Leadership" in Atlanta. After scouring my closet to try to find something to wear without the word Nike or Powerbar on it, I headed downtown. It was a memorable evening; I was surrounded by women who were amazing, accomplished, true leaders in our community. Several business owners, entrepreneur's, vice presidents of major companies, published writers, life coaches, law professors, etc. I was so impressed with these women and enjoyed learning about their chosen field(s). Each of them was poised and articulate, successful, and inspiring. I wondered how in the world I landed an invitation for this thing?? It's hard not to feel intimidated when surrounded by my intellectual, academic and career superiors, but each of them could not have been more gracious. In fact, I actually felt quite comfortable (eventually).
I tried to prevent conversations turning to me. I kept the rapid-fire questions on others so I wouldn't have to address (and excuse) how I had somehow been invited to join their elite group. Eventually I couldn't avoid the inevitable, "So what do you do, Carole?" I hate that question because I always feel so small. Especially so in this room. I smiled and took a deep breath, "I'm a professional triathlete..." and watched as their expressions changed to a similar look I would expect if I told them I wrestled aligators: a few needed seconds to register a profession you rarely hear, and then a bit of awe for the requisite skills.
I continued that I had begun doing some motivational speaking, but also did some consulting for Behavioral Sciences Technologies and had been hired to work for NASA a couple years ago. No one seemed to care about the consulting, everyone seemed so intrigued by triathlon and wanted to know more. I was honest that I certainly was not one of the bigger fish in our sport, but they all seemed impressed with what racing at my level required. I appreciated that.
It was a fun evening and as I made my way to my car at 10:30pm on a school night :), I reminded myself I would have never been able to attend this thing, or have the fun I did, if I was training. My schedule is so strict, I am never out past 9pm, mostly because I cannot keep my eyes open later than that. My body clock get thrown off very easily. I am like a 12 mo old in a way because if I miss my window of bedtime, I miss it. It throws me off and I usually have a very difficult time falling asleep later, have restless sleep, and then am completely exhausted the next day, and my training suffers. This evening is usually not something I can do.
My friend Lisa has invited me to a bowling party (yikes!) for her husband's 35th birthday. We're supposed to gather tomorrow night at 8:30. This is when the night BEGINS. I feel like I am 80-years old by suggesting that is late, but to me, with my chosen profession, it has been. 8:30pm is when I am normally yawning, my verbal skills become mush and I am preparing to leave a place. Pathetic, isn't it?
Most triathletes complain about the lack of balance to their world. I think this is a legitimate complaint for most. I've been working on bringing more overall balance to my life but to be honest, I haven't yet figured out how to do it and remain a professional triathlete.
I am not sure it is possible.
Not to be upstaged, I was given a HUGE hold-my-gut laugh yesterday. I received a very kind, supportive email from local Atlanta triathlete, Joe Reger. Among his thoughtful words he included support for my rehab and return to triathlon. Then, he added what I thought was hilarious: "It’s incredibly instructive to watch you go through the process on your blog… like watching those animals on the Discovery Channel get eaten… I certainly would like to help!"
WATCHING THE ANIMALS GET EATEN??? :) :)
I laughed out loud when I read that... reading of my attempts to heal parallels the plight of the wounded prey, the carnage... ?? Man, I thought that analogy was priceless. I appreciated the humor he brought to the scene.
Good times.
So this week I somehow found myself on the invitation list to an evening wine and cheese party for "Women in Leadership" in Atlanta. After scouring my closet to try to find something to wear without the word Nike or Powerbar on it, I headed downtown. It was a memorable evening; I was surrounded by women who were amazing, accomplished, true leaders in our community. Several business owners, entrepreneur's, vice presidents of major companies, published writers, life coaches, law professors, etc. I was so impressed with these women and enjoyed learning about their chosen field(s). Each of them was poised and articulate, successful, and inspiring. I wondered how in the world I landed an invitation for this thing?? It's hard not to feel intimidated when surrounded by my intellectual, academic and career superiors, but each of them could not have been more gracious. In fact, I actually felt quite comfortable (eventually).
I tried to prevent conversations turning to me. I kept the rapid-fire questions on others so I wouldn't have to address (and excuse) how I had somehow been invited to join their elite group. Eventually I couldn't avoid the inevitable, "So what do you do, Carole?" I hate that question because I always feel so small. Especially so in this room. I smiled and took a deep breath, "I'm a professional triathlete..." and watched as their expressions changed to a similar look I would expect if I told them I wrestled aligators: a few needed seconds to register a profession you rarely hear, and then a bit of awe for the requisite skills.
I continued that I had begun doing some motivational speaking, but also did some consulting for Behavioral Sciences Technologies and had been hired to work for NASA a couple years ago. No one seemed to care about the consulting, everyone seemed so intrigued by triathlon and wanted to know more. I was honest that I certainly was not one of the bigger fish in our sport, but they all seemed impressed with what racing at my level required. I appreciated that.
It was a fun evening and as I made my way to my car at 10:30pm on a school night :), I reminded myself I would have never been able to attend this thing, or have the fun I did, if I was training. My schedule is so strict, I am never out past 9pm, mostly because I cannot keep my eyes open later than that. My body clock get thrown off very easily. I am like a 12 mo old in a way because if I miss my window of bedtime, I miss it. It throws me off and I usually have a very difficult time falling asleep later, have restless sleep, and then am completely exhausted the next day, and my training suffers. This evening is usually not something I can do.
My friend Lisa has invited me to a bowling party (yikes!) for her husband's 35th birthday. We're supposed to gather tomorrow night at 8:30. This is when the night BEGINS. I feel like I am 80-years old by suggesting that is late, but to me, with my chosen profession, it has been. 8:30pm is when I am normally yawning, my verbal skills become mush and I am preparing to leave a place. Pathetic, isn't it?
Most triathletes complain about the lack of balance to their world. I think this is a legitimate complaint for most. I've been working on bringing more overall balance to my life but to be honest, I haven't yet figured out how to do it and remain a professional triathlete.
I am not sure it is possible.
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